


More Than All the Stars

by breadqueen95



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Light Angst, Love Confessions, One Shot, Post-Sirius Black in Azkaban, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 07:08:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29485764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breadqueen95/pseuds/breadqueen95
Summary: With Harry and the other guests leaving Grimmauld Place for school after Christmas, Y/n finds a way to bring a smile back to Sirius’ face. In the process, feelings are revealed that changes everything.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 8





	More Than All the Stars

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted to @breadqueen95 on Tumblr
> 
> Warnings: mentions of war and injury. physical affection. kissing. mentions of alcohol and food. depression, anger, anxiety. incarceration. mentions of familial abuse. ptsd.

For the last time this Christmas break, the sounds of happy voices filled the normally silent halls of Number 12, Grimmauld Place.

It was the morning that everyone would be returning to Hogwarts. The children were rushing about, trying to gather everything that had forgotten to pack in their trunks. Molly was busy directing everyone, trying desperately to keep some sort of order in the wild chaos. Arthur, who was still recovering from his attack at the Ministry, was sitting out of the way in the kitchen. Remus and the other top order members were not currently at headquarters, out on missions or at their normal jobs. As Harry and the others were getting back to Hogwarts via the Floo Network, they didn’t need an escort of Order members this time around. You were simply helping Molly and the kids wherever you could, trying to make sure everyone got out of the house on time.

But Sirius…Sirius was nowhere to be found.

You tried not to worry, but with Harry leaving so soon, you wondered why he wasn’t here. He loved that kid more than anything in the world, and with how much he talks about him when he’s gone, you figured he’d make some sort of appearance. You were jerked out of your thoughts once again as George tripped over a very perturbed Crookshanks, everything in his lanky arms going flying about the entry way. It woke up the god-awful portrait of Walburga, and she began absolutely screeching.

“ _BLOOD TRAITORS! FILTH! MUDBLOODS! BESMIRCHING THE NAME OF MY FATHERS—”_

“Oh shut it, you great hag,” you muttered, casting a quick silencing spell to shut her up. She glared at you venomously, but you only smiled dryly at her as you yanked her curtain shut. You looked around again, trying to find the familiar dark head of hair among the rushing guests. Your search was interrupted by a tap on your shoulder. You turned to see the anxious face of your godson, Harry Potter.

“Y/n, I haven’t seen Sirius all morning. We’re about to leave, and…I just wanted to see him, you know, before I head back to school.” Seeing the worry and hurt in his vivid green eyes, you wanted to wrap him up in a huge hug. But you knew it was Sirius he needed, so that’s what he would get.

“Don’t worry, kiddo. I’ll find him before you leave, alright? I’ll drag his ass down here if I have to.”

“Watch your language around the children!” Molly chastised as she bustled past. You sheepishly uttered an apology to her but sent a wink at Harry when you saw him smirking. As he returned to his packing, you started up the narrow stairs to find your best friend.

Well, best friend was a bit of an understatement for what he was to you.

You had been the only girl in the infamous band of Marauders back at Hogwarts. Falling into the group seamlessly in your 4th year, you had grown beyond close to every single lad in that group. Remus, James, and Peter had all been like brothers to you. Now, you only had one of those brothers left. James had been taken in a vicious act of violence, with Peter being the one to help that violence happen. Until recently, you hadn’t seen Remus in years. The heartbreak that had torn apart your group had been too much for your friendship to weather at the time, so you had drifted apart.

It didn’t help that you had very different opinions on who had brought about the Potter’s demise.

While Remus had wholeheartedly bought into the lie that Sirius had been the one to give James and Lily to Voldemort, you had never believed it for one second. You had been hopelessly in love with Sirius since school, and you knew him better than anyone. You knew without a shadow of a doubt that he loved James like his own brother. He had firmly rejected his family and their blood purist fanaticism, and the idea that he would have suddenly given into that seemed preposterous. Even with what everyone had called “clear evidence”, you had never given up on him.

Your theories had been proven correct two years ago, when Sirius had suddenly shown up on your doorstep. He was malnourished, dirty beyond belief, had matted hair, and smelled like a stray dog. Even so, you had thrown your arms around him. You had thought you’d never be able to hold him in your arms again. He had only stayed a night; long enough to shower, have a decent meal, and explain what exactly had happened 12 years prior. He had wanted to know why you didn’t have Harry, why he was stuck living with such awful relatives, and you had to recount the awful story of how Dumbledore hadn’t let you. With no one to back you up, with you falling apart because of the loss of so many of your found family, it hadn’t been hard for everyone to side with him.

Even so, you had both fallen back into your old habits. You had written to each other as much as you could while he was on the run and receiving one of his letters quickly became a favorite part of your month. Favorite part of your existence, really. Your heart had beaten for the teenager in the leather jacket, and it still beat for the innocent man on the run.

Now, it beat for the angry and isolated man hiding upstairs with a hippogriff.

You tried to keep your breath steady as you climbed the stairs higher and higher toward Sirius’ room. You passed your room on the way up, the old furniture having been replaced and/or refurbished in the best way you could. Sirius had asked you to move in once the house had become the new headquarters for the Order of the Phoenix. He was stuck here constantly, unable to leave with the Ministry still hunting him down and blaming him for all of Voldemort’s actions since he came back the previous June. While Order members came and went all the time, he was stuck in the place where the worst of his childhood abuse.

It was safe to say that coming here to be with him was an easy decision.

These days were hard on him. He loved having people at the house to stay, it made him feel part of things. You knew he felt the sting of loneliness lessen, especially with Harry here. He missed James beyond all reason, and having Harry was like having a bit of James back. The teenager also gave Sirius so much purpose, and it made him feel like he was finally able to fulfill his promise to James that he would take care of his son should anything happen.

And when they all left, it just reminded Sirius of everything he had lost.

That was where you came in. In times like these, you braved his attitude and the way he lashed out to try and bring him a bit of comfort. It wasn’t the same, you knew that. You still tried, though. That’s what you do when you love someone, right? You come through for them, and you try.

You finally made it to Sirius’ door, and you knocked hard three times. Gentle Y/n could come later, but right now he needed to get his ass downstairs to see Harry off. While you did your best to be what Sirius needed you to be, you also needed to be there for Harry. The kid was going through so much, what with Voldemort returning and that bitch Umbridge giving him such a hard time. Fuck if you weren’t going to give him the one thing he asked for.

When Sirius didn’t answer, you knocked again, calling, “Sirius, I know you’re in there.” A thump sounded on the other side of the door, but he didn’t answer. You let out a frustrated sigh, pulling your wand from the back pocket of your jeans. “If you don’t open this fucking door in two seconds, I’m blowing it off its hinges.” You waited one beat, then two. When the door didn’t open, you were about to cast a series of destructive spells, but then it flung open.

You were faced with a very angry and sad man, glaring at you from the other end of the door.

“Oh, hello there love,” you quipped happily as you stowed your wand once again, “Ready to come downstairs? Harry’s about to leave and he wants to see you.” You got it out in a rush, getting right to the point should Sirius try to slam the door in your face again. His expression softened in an instant at the mention of his godson.

“Of course, I’ll be down in a moment,” he muttered. You turned to go, ready to go back down and help, but Sirius called your name. You looked back at him, eyebrows raised in question, and he just smiled and said, “Thanks.” You smiled back at him, allowing the love you had for him shine through in full just for a moment. In times like these, when Sirius was feeling so alone and unloved, you wanted to show him that he always had someone there who chose him. It didn’t matter if he didn’t see it for what it was, or if he didn’t see it at all. You knew you were trying, and that was important to you.

But Sirius _did_ see it.

Contrary to your beliefs, Sirius was an incredibly observant man. He saw things other people didn’t, and ever since his stint in Azkaban, this innate trait had also become a survival skill. He was very adept at reading people. In particular, he was very adept at reading you. All Sirius had done since you had met at school was watch you, taking in every single thing that made you, _you._ He had never been brave enough to confess his long-held feelings for you, always scared that you had only ever seen him as a friend or brother. He had been close to going for it, especially with James’ encouragement, but then…James died. Lily died. Peter had escaped, and he was trapped behind bars.

It was the thought of you that had kept him sane for 12 years. It wasn’t only Harry that motivated him to get out, it was also to get to you. With Peter in such a prime spot, with his connections to Voldemort, it was only a matter of time before the both of you were in danger.

Needless to say, it felt pretty surreal to be so close to you again. Under the same roof, in fact. And when you looked at him like that? It felt like he was 21 again, everything in the world going right. It made him feel like there was a chance at happiness with you.

Sirius brushed out his hair and splashed some cold water on his face. He knew Harry always felt guilty about leaving him in this house. That boy knew better than anyone what it was like to be abused by your family, and Sirius imagined that it made those guilty feelings ten times worse by leaving him in the house where all that had happened. But Sirius knew Harry had to get his education, and he knew that Hogwarts was the safest place for him. Even with that awful Ministry hag, he knew he was better protected there than anywhere.

And with what was coming, Harry had to be prepared to defend himself. Voldemort would come for him sooner or later, no matter what you and Sirius did to try and shield him.

Putting on his best happy face, Sirius trudged down the stairs, making sure to put a little bounce in his step the closer he got to his guests. As soon as he entered the formal sitting room, he had a benevolent smile on his face. Harry turned around at his entrance, and a relieved smile broke out across his face.

_Godric, he looks so much like James_ Sirius couldn’t help but think. He knew it wasn’t fair to compare the two, Harry was his own person. But after not seeing him grow up, coming back after all those years away…It was like seeing the ghost of his best friend staring back at him.

Sirius shook those thoughts off, then noticed the worried look that accompanied Harry’s smile. Something was troubling the lad, and he had to find out what before he went back to school. This was the last time they would see each other in some time, and he had to make these moments count. Sirius jerked his head toward the other room, indicating the teenager should follow him. Harry seemed to let out a deep breath and followed his godfather.

All the while, you sat quietly out of the way, observing the scene before you. You knew Sirius was struggling, that much was clear. But it was so important that he was willing to put everything aside to help Harry. With the way Harry idolized Sirius, it was clear it had been a very long time since someone was willing to do that for him. A flash of bitterness surged through you along with the overwhelming feeling of warmth. You could’ve taken care of him if you had been allowed, if Dumbledore had let you take him in like you were supposed to.

You shook your head, trying to rid yourself of those lingering bad feelings. As much as you wanted to change the past, you couldn’t. All you could do was focus on the present, and helping Harry, Sirius, and all your people was the best way to do that.

“Aunt Y/n, have you seen my Gryffindor tee shirt?” Ginny asked as she rushed into the room, looking a bit panicked with so little time left until her departure.

You smiled at the young girl, then said reassuringly, “No, but there’s only a few places it could be. Let’s go look for it, we have a few minutes. I’m sure we’ll find it.” She smiled back at you, and the pair of you started your search. Much like Sirius, you loved having the kids here for the holidays. They made you feel young again, but more than that, they made you feel needed. After being alone for so long, it was something you absolutely adored.

* * *

Sirius and Harry came back into the sitting room a few minutes after you and Ginny. Ginny was hastily shoving the shirt in her trunk, the crisis averted when you had found it balled up in the corner of the room she had been staying in. Harry looked significantly happier too, like a weight was lifted off of his shoulders. Sirius gave Harry a long hug while Y/n said goodbye to the others. Right before Harry stepped into the fireplace, he flung his arms around you.

“Y/n, please watch out for Sirius,” Harry whispered fiercely into your ear.

“Don’t worry, Harry,” you murmured, “I’ll take care of him.” The teenager pulled back and grinned at you before grabbing the ends of his trunk and stepping into the fireplace. As soon as all the kids had floo’ed back to Hogwarts, the house already seemed quieter. You glanced over at Sirius and saw his shoulders drooping.

“Well darlings, we’d best be off too,” Molly said hastily, trying to hide to quiver in her voice. As much as she and Sirius butt heads, they truly cared about each other like family. She gave each of you a fierce but quick hug, then grasped Arthur’s hand and disapparated with a crack. Everyone’s departure had been so sudden, and now the house felt like a tomb. The silence was suffocating, especially with the dreariness that already lay over the place like a cape.

“Um, I guess I’ll head back upstairs then,” Sirius muttered quietly, turning to begin his ascent to his room.

“Wait,” you called, a sudden idea popping into your head, “Hold on a minute, I want to run something by you.” He looked back at you, his eyes dancing with curiosity. You tried to ignore how your breath whooshed out of you in that moment, absolutely entranced by how effortlessly handsome he was.

“Well? What’s your grand idea?” He asked, a smile starting to pull at the corners of his mouth as he casually leaned against the doorframe.

You allowed your excitement to show in your face, then exclaimed, “What do you say we do something tonight? Just the two of us?”

He ran a hand through his black hair, then said, “As much as I want to, love, we’re kind of stuck here.”

“I know, I know, but we could still have fun here!”

“Have fun? Here? In my awful childhood home?” Sirius said hesitantly.

“It sounds crazy, but just…trust me on this?” You put on your best puppy dog eyes, biting your lip as you stared at him. After a minute of looking at you, he blew out a gust of air.

“Fine, you’ve got me,” he groaned, “Of course you had to do the thing with the eyes, you know I can’t say no to that. What did you have in mind?”

Grinning excitedly at him, you winked and said, “It’s a surprise, my dear Sirius. Just show up in the dining room at 8pm in your fanciest outfit, and I’ll meet you there.” He raised his eyebrows in confusion.

“Uh, how is dressing up going to do anything—”

“HEY NONE OF THAT,” you cried over his protests, “Trust the process! No buts, just go with it.” With that you positively skipped up the stairs, excited to plan out your evening with your favorite person.

* * *

At 7:45pm, you were smoothing your dress in the mirror in your room. You had gone all out, hoping that Sirius would match your energy and you wouldn’t feel embarrassed. You had little cause to dress up these days, and you had to admit that it made you feel beautiful.

You were wearing your favorite dress. The color complimented your complexion perfectly, with the fit showing off your body in the best way possible. Your favorite part was the open back. It made you feel like you were being especially bold without compromising anything else, so it was perfect. After applying one more coat of lip color, you gave yourself a wink in the mirror, then turned to go downstairs early. The wink might have been a bit cheesy, but you had to hype yourself up somehow.

You tried to keep the noise from your heels to a minimum on the wooden stairs. Waking up Walburga’s portrait wasn’t exactly going to help set the tone for the evening, and you didn’t want to peak Sirius’ curiosity. If he had heard you, chances are he would try to come down early to see what you were doing and spoil the surprise.

As soon as you got into the kitchen, you magically heated up the dinner you had prepared earlier in the day. It was your favorite food, and you knew Sirius would enjoy it too. After looking at the large table in the dining room, you knew it was far too big for just two people, so you transfigured it to be much smaller. That way, you and Sirius could actually have a conversation without yelling across the room at each other. You hurried to set the table, quickly setting out the dishes and wine glasses. Right as you were pouring a generous amount of Bordeaux into each glass, a cough sounded behind you.

Turning around, you had to actively remind yourself to breathe. Sirius looked rather dashing. He was wearing a simple pair of black pants with a white button down, paired with a black jacket. His long hair was kept loose around his face, and you thought he had never looked more handsome.

Sirius was going through a similar struggle. You had always been breathtaking to him, it didn’t matter if you were dressed to the nines like you were now or flopped on the couch in a pair of sweatpants. But that dress…you looked positively resplendent. He knew you felt more confident too, the way you had your shoulders rolled back told him so. Your hair was up in a messy yet elegant updo, and before you had turned to face him, he had seen the smooth expanse of your back. God, how he longed to run his fingers over that smooth skin…He had to make himself cough to keep from staring for too long.

“Wow, Sirius…you, um, you look really good,” you sputtered out, clutching the wine bottle and glass in your hands like a lifeline. It was a rare moment that you were speechless, but here you were, unable to say a damn word without sounding like the most awkward person alive. You felt heat rush through you as you noticed his eyes lazily running over your figure.

“And you…” he came further into the room as he was talking, “You look so, _so_ stunning.” You felt a goofy grin overtake your face as you looked down, unable to fully process the intensity in his eyes just yet. That was for later, once you’d had some wine. Wine was good for this sort of thing.

“Thank you,” you whispered, unable to look at him out of embarrassment. Gentle fingers closed around your wrist, and you looked up to see Sirius right in front of you. His eyes drew you in, and suddenly you felt lost in them. In the best way possible, mind you.

“I mean it,” he murmured, “You’re always beautiful, but tonight you’re just…perfect.” You grinned at him, earning an earnest smile in return. Neither of you seemed to want to look away, but you remembered that you had food behind you. Setting down the glass in your spot and the bottle in the middle of the table, you gestured at the spread you had worked so hard on.

“Alright, I didn’t waste time in the kitchen for nothing,” you said hastily, trying to bring yourself back to the present, “Take a seat.” As the two of you began eating, you fell into easy conversation. It was so easy to laugh and joke with him, while also getting into your deepest and darkest thoughts. There was an unspoken agreement between the two of you, it seemed. You knew you could tell him anything without the sting of judgement, and he knew it was the same for him. The two of you talked for hours, long after you had finished your dinner. The only topic the both of you couldn’t seem to approach was your feelings for each other.

Soon, the conversation turned to Harry. You both talked about how much you loved the man he was becoming, but also how worried you were for him. Topping off your wine glass, Sirius was telling you about the conversation he and Harry had right before he left. From the sound of it, Harry had a lot more going on than he let anyone see.

“He seemed terrified, Y/n,” Sirius said darkly, “He kept going on about how maybe he was ‘turning bad’.”

“What do you mean ‘turning bad’?” You asked, absolutely baffled. “Harry is the exact opposite of bad, he’s one of the best people I know in fact.”

“I know that, and you know that, but he’s worried about it nonetheless,” he retorted, then took a deep breath. “He said that during Arthur’s attack, he was seeing everything through the eyes of the snake.” You narrowed your eyes in concern, the gears in your head turning.

“But Sirius, that means—”

“—That Voldemort might be accessing Harry’s mind, yes.” He finished for you. You took a deep swig of wine, trying to settle the deep disturbance rising within you. This had always been something you worried about, especially after the events of last summer. It had always seemed like Voldemort had an unnatural connection with Harry, with access to him that he shouldn’t have. Now it seemed like it was having consequences, especially on Harry’s wellbeing.

“Do you think Voldemort knows?” You asked, trying to maintain a sense of calm. Unlike other members of the Order, Sirius didn’t jump when you said Voldemort’s name. Both of you, having lost so many important people to him, had long since agreed that you wouldn’t show him fear in that way. It was one of so many things you loved about him.

“Honestly? I don’t know,” he muttered, reaching out to grab your hand with his, “I just hope Harry feels like he can talk to one of us about it, that he doesn’t have to face this alone.”

Squashing your fear for the boy you thought of as your son, you squeezed Sirius’ hand. He turned his gaze up to you, and it broke your heart to see such sadness swirling in their depths. He had lost so much, and the idea of losing Harry was unbearable for him.

“He won’t face this alone,” you promised, “Whether he reaches out to us or not, we’ll be there for him. We’ll write him letters, we’ll try to see him as much as we can, we’ll listen to any whispers about what’s going on at the school. We won’t let anything happen to Harry. Between the two of us, we can protect him from anything.” Sirius’ gaze softened with each word you said, his shoulders relaxing under your strong and comforting words.

“God, I love you,” he murmured, then clamped his mouth shut once he realized what he had said. Both of your eyes went wide as you stared at each other, not sure what to say. He could have passed it off as a joke, or something more friendly or lighthearted, but he didn’t. He just gaped at you, seemingly in a panic.

“Uh—”

“Sorry, I didn’t—”

Both of you had started speaking over each other, but then stopped. Letting out a nervous laugh, you said, “You go first.”

Sirius cleared his throat, looking down at his plate as he said, “Sorry, I…I never meant to tell you like that. I always wanted it to be this big, romantic reveal, but I guess I just got caught up in the moment.”

“Wait,” you jumped in, “You meant it? You know, like that?” Sirius looked at you, confusion written all over his face. It was replaced by earnest affection as he drew small circles on the back of your hand with his thumb.

“Of course I meant it like that,” he murmured, “What else could I have meant it as?”

“I don’t know,” you spluttered, the wine making you feel a bit hazy, “I guess I just…I never thought…”

“Never thought what?”

“That you could love me.” You finished lamely, looking down at your joined hands. You had seen the way he looked at you sometimes but had tried so hard not to read into it. Maybe in doing so, you blinded yourself to the true nature of his feelings. He gently tilted your chin to look at him, and he brushed his fingers across your cheek before lowering his hand again.

“How could I not love you?” He asked incredulously, “You, my darling Y/n, are my very favorite person in the world. You’re one of the only people who see me for everything I am, every good and bad thing that makes me. And you choose to stay. You accept me for exactly as I am and put up with my moodiness and despair day after day. I can talk to you about anything, and I’ve never felt as comfortable with anyone as I do with you.”

“Sirius,” you whispered, tears threatening to spill over.

“You’re the most incredible person I know,” he sighed, “The way you love every person in your life with such ferocity. The way you laugh with your whole chest. The way you’re so protective over anyone you consider your family. The way you love Harry, and love him just as much as I do. I love every single thing about you. I love you beyond all reason, and I could spend hours and hours coming up with reasons why I do.”

Your tears were falling in earnest now, spilling down your cheeks in an unbroken rivulet. Your heart was bursting with so much love and want you didn’t know how to voice it, but somehow you had to. You had to tell Sirius just how much he meant to you.

“Sirius, I love you too. I love you more than all the stars in the sky, more than all the galaxies in the universe. I’ve loved you since we were 12, and I doubt I’ll ever stop.” Sirius began crying then too, his face losing all the worry and care he had gathered over the years. He stood slowly, then pulled you to your feet. He wrapped a hand around your waist, trailing his fingers deliciously over your bare back as he pulled you closer to him until you were chest to chest.

“I’m not wasting anymore time,” he murmured, then pressed his lips to yours in a fiery kiss. You opened your mouth to him, and your lips moved together in a dance that you felt you’d known for a lifetime. Without hesitating, you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him as close as you could. He wrapped his fingers around your waist, fingers curling possessively around your back. You fit together like puzzle pieces, it felt beyond right.

You both pulled back after a moment, but he rested his forehead against yours. Chests heaving against each other, you just look a moment to look into each other’s eyes. You could look into his eyes for a lifetime, and you hoped he would let you.

“Merlin, what the fuck were we waiting for?” He whispered, wrapping one of his hands in your hair. He began peppering soft kisses around your face, and you couldn’t help but giggle. “What are you laughing at, sweetheart?”

“I’m just…I’m just so happy. _You_ make me happy.” He beamed, kissing you again.

“I love you so much, Y/n. Please promise me that whatever comes, whatever this war brings us, we’ll face it together.”

“I promise, Sirius. I love you.”


End file.
